Getting a man to express himself emotionally represents one tactic that women use to gain access to the important information they need to discern a man's degree of commitment. (p.149)
Moody partners can be costly because they absorb time and effort. Palliative procedures, such as efforts to get the partner out of the bad mood and putting one's own plans aside temporarily, absorb energy at the expense of other goals. Women impose these costs on men as a tactic for eliciting commitment. A moody woman may be saying: "You had better increase your commitment to me, or else I will impose costs on you with emotional volatility. "It is one tactic in women's repertoire for eliciting male commitment. Men dislike it because it absorbs effort that could be allocated elsewhere.
Moodiness also functions as an assessment device to test the strength of the bond. Women use moodiness to impose small costs on their mates and then use men' s reactions to the costs as a gauge of their degree of commitment. Men 's unwillingness to tolerate these costs signals that their commitment is low. Men' s willingness to tolerate the costs, and to be responsive to the increasing demands for investment, signals a greater level of commitment to the relationship. Either way, the woman gains valuable information about the strength of the bond. (p.149-150)
Upset over neglect and unreliability reflects a conflict over investment of time and effort. It takes effort to be on time. Reliability requires relinquishing resources that could be channeled toward another goal. Neglect signals a low investment, indicating that the man lacks the depth of commitment necessary to perform acts that require even minimal cost for the woman's benefit.
The flip side of the coin of neglect is dependency and possessiveness. Conflict develops when one mate absorbs so much energy that the partner's freedom is restricted. A common complaint of married men, far more than of married women, is that their spouses absorb too much of their time and energy. (p.151)
These sex differences in demands on time and attention reflect a continuing conflict about investment. Women try to sequester their mate's investment. Some men resist monopolization, striving to channel a portion of their effort toward other adaptive problems such as raising their status or acquiring additional mates. More than three times as many men as women voice complaints about this form of possessiveness because of differences in the benefits each sex derives by diverting surplus resources into additional matings, or into increased status that opens up mating opportunities. For men, the reproductive pay off historically was large and direct. For women, the benefits were smaller, less direct, and often more costly because they risked the loss of the existing mate's investment of time and resources. Wives may be possessive and demanding because they do not want their husband's investment to be diverted. (p.151)
Psychological alertness guards men against deception by women about two of the most reproductively important considerations for a man in a permanent mate - her reproductive value and the likelihood that this value will be channeled exclusively to him. (p.156)
Among newlyweds, for example, men who have certain personality dispositions, such as lacking trust in others and being emotionally unstable, were four times as likely to abuse their wives as were emotionally stable and trusting men. (p.158)
Men who do use coercion to get sex have been shown to exhibit a distinct set of characteristics. They tend to be hostile toward women, endorse the myth that women secretly want to be raped, and show a personality profile marked by impulsiveness, hostility, and hyper masculinity, combined with a high degree of sexual promiscuity. (p.166)
( David M. Buss – The Evolution of Desire )
