The mate attraction studies confirm the power of displaying commitment in the marital market. Discussing marriage signals that a man would like to integrate the woman into his social and family life, commit his resources to her, and,in many cases, have children with her. Offering to change his religion in order to be with her shows a willingness to accommodate to her needs. Showing a deep concern for her problems communicates emotional support and a commitment to be there in times of need. The 100 newlywed women all report that their husbands displayed these signals during their courtship, confirming that they are highly effective when used. (p.102)
Displays of kindness, which also signal commitment, figure prominently in successful attraction techniques. Men who demonstrate an understanding of a woman's problems, show sensitivity to her needs, act compassionately toward her, and perform helpful deeds succeed in attracting women as long-term mates. Kindness works because it signals that the man cares for the woman, will be there for her in times of need, and will channel resources to her. It signals a long-term romantic interest rather than a casual sexual interest. (p.103)
Women are more receptive, even in the short term, to men who appear to embody their ideals for a long-term mate. (p.105)
Of the 130 identified tactics to attract a female mate, three of the top ones suggest openness and honesty-acting honest with the woman, communicating feelings to her directly and openly, and acting himself. (p.105)
University students confirm that knowledge of prior commitments hinders a man's efforts to attract a woman. Indeed, out of eighty-three tactics that men can perform to render a rival less attractive to women, mentioning that a rival has a serious girlfriend is judged to be the single most effective one. (p.106)
We asked fifty men and fifty women what strategies they would use to attract someone who was already mated with someone else. One of the most frequent tactics is pretending to be friends with the couple and then switching to a mating mode when the opportunity arises. (p.109)
Men who are discovered having sex with unattractive women suffer social humiliation. They lose status and prestige in the eyes of their peers. (p.112)
Saying that a rival cannot stay loyal to one man was judged by university students to be the single most effective tactic for a woman to use against a competitor in the marriage market. Similarly, calling a rival a tramp, saying that a rival is loose, or telling others that a rival sleeps around a lot emerge in the top 10 percent of effective derogation tactics for women. [...] This tactic can backfire, however, if a man is seeking casual sex. Mae West once noted that "men like women with a past because they hope history will repeat itself." Men who are seeking short-term partners typically are not bothered by promiscuity in a woman, and in fact find it mildly desirable since it increases their chances of success. Calling another woman promiscuous, therefore, does not have the intended effect of dissuading men who are pursuing a short-term goal. Calling a rival promiscuous and questioning her fidelity, however, are highly effective for women if the man is seeking a spouse.(p.114-115)
Men find women in tight-fitting and revealing clothing more attractive than fully clothed women as dating partners and sex partners, but not as marriage partners. Women, in contrast, judge men in tight-fitting and revealing clothes to be less attractive than fully clothed men in either case, perhaps because relative undress signals that the man is primarily interested in short-term sex. (p.119)
( David M. Buss – The Evolution of Desire )
